Friday, September 01, 2006

hopeful lists

generally speaking, i have always liked lists.
writing them, crossing off the completed tasks, putting the completed list in the paper trash.
today as i created another list, just like the many i have made over my life time, i realizied how hopeful this act is. with ever good intention, i expect i will act on these chores & carry them out. i have enough faith to believe i can accomplish this over the next period of time.

last night i attended a memorial service for a co-worker.
there is nothing like a memorial to shake you up.
her death was sudden & tragic.
a fatal car accident.
the service was held in the next town over, in a very small building that serves as a church. traditional hymes were sung, This World Is Not My Home (#957), Oh Love That Will Not Let Me Go (#48) & I'll Fly Away (#851). there was a message from the minister & time for personal sharing. i sat in the back, as is my custom when i feel like a guest in an unfamilar place. from here, i could see people rise and walk to the front for their personal sharing. i glimpsed that the youngest daughter, maybe 7, was taking her turn. i lost my composure upon seeing her. i spontaneously covered my face with my hands & held back loud cries which only made me seem hysterical.

grief is a strange experience. it has a mind of it's own. it moves in ways i do not fully understand. intellectually i understand life is fleeting; plan for tommorrow, but live for today. i get it, so do you.
but what brings us to such depths of profound saddness? and why? it's different for everyone, i know.

it is exactly one month later. october 1, 2006. i thought i would find a way to neatly end this post.
i didn't.


Anonymous said...

what a real thing this is. thank you for writing so openly.
love, bronwyn

marina said...

I agree with you about lists..its a good thing for hope. Maybe thats what you saw in the girl too.